Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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