thus making me awesome and them whores
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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