My sheets look like a crime scene.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I will pee on everything he values.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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