I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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