Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
