I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So here I am, sexting at work.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
