sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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