A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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