Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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