census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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