My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
