the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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