I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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