Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
