i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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