puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
