hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
