He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
