I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
