had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
