My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
