Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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