I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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