you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
