Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
