i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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