everyone is single if you try hard enough
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You ruined the universe
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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