How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
