The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
