thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
