and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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