and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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