I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
