A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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