i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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