I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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