Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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