new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
