dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
