i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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