Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
