I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
