Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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