he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
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She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
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DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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