I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
