if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Your penis caused this!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
