your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
This house was built for laser tag.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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