The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
