he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I wish i was in the wii world.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There was a lot of him and a little penis
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
