i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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