yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
