If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
