There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
