just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
