If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
