I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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