I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
