Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
