Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
