Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
