Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Found your dick twin last night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
