oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
