i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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