It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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