Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
birth control should be required to get into college
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The power of my boobs compel you
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
