be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
