I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
