My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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