The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
