The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Say something about gay babies.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
