why didn't you poke me back
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
