I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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