I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you win again, gameday.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
