After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
