You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
