she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
tell me about the eggs
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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