im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
